I Was Born in a Theater in Bluefield, West Virginia

Brian Quass
2 min readJun 25, 2023

The life and times of Brian Quass

I’ve resisted creating an autobiography for my posts at Medium.com, because until now, I’ve only had 7 followers, and I couldn’t afford to piss off so much as one of them with stories of my misspent youth. However, now that I am a real player, with well over 10 followers, I think it’s time for me to come clean.

You must know then that I was born in a theatre (in Bluefield, West Virginia). My ma and pa were traveling on the road. I kid you not.

“Rock-and-roll baby,” that’s what moms used to call me.

Do you know I was singing at the age of two? No, seriously. Tootsie roll soul and doodle-white shoes: I could hardly talk, but I sure knew how to sing them blues.

Reminds me of my own son, Little Joe by name. That boy is always in key. Are you kidding me? He is one soulful little rock-and-roll baby!

(Stop me if you’ve heard this before.)

Well, to make a long story short, Daddy bought a new house in Beverly Hills. Yeah, Papa made it big… but make no mistake: he did it for his rock-and-roll baby, videlicit myself!

Yeah, it was the same old formula: a little bit of rhythm and blues.

I can mind pa moonwalking on the marble credenza: that dude had one funky walk in his little orthopedic shoes!

To sum up then: I was born in a theatre (in Bluefield, West Virginia), my ma and pa were traveling on the road.

As for my own son, he works hard every summer as a fill-in for the drummer.

You know something, though? One night stands aren’t easy for Little Joe.

I kid you not.

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Brian Quass

Founder of AbolishTheDEA.com, whose life purpose is to expose the philosophical absurdity of America's unprecedented war on substances